I Hate You

Jul 02, 05 I Hate You

Kids say, “I hate you” a lot. They express how they feel in raw, unedited, non-filtered honesty. They don’t yet understand the power of words. As adults, we know how the words we use to express ourselves affect other people. Last week, working with a business client, a young woman employee said that she “hated” her boss. More specifically, she really hated working for him. EFT can be a very effective tool in business for improving working relationships.

In using EFT with this employee, one of the first things we did was to benchmark or measure the intensity of her feelings. On a scale of zero to ten, with zero being calm or unemotional and ten having strong or intense feelings, I was surprised at the number she gave me. She said her “hate” feelings were 110. Yes, not ten, but one hundred and ten.

Because of the number, intuitively it seemed to me that what was most important was not just the words to use in the setup phrase, but the emotion behind the words. I told her to say in a loud volume, putting her whole body into her feelings, the following setup phrase:

Even though I hate working with my boss, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Normally in EFT, this setup phrase would be too general. We’d go for something more specific. However, this was a case where sometimes in EFT we get “one minute wonders.” Within one round of doing EFT, she went from 110 to zero. The thought of working with her boss, didn’t bother her at all. She was dumbfounded on how this could happen so quickly. She said that now she felt totally calm about him. Most likely, the issue isn’t complete and there are aspects she will need to use EFT to resolve.

By the way, let me make it clear that the “hatred” this young woman felt toward her boss was a conflict based primarily on disliking his leadership style, arrogance and different personality issues. It had nothing to do with sexual discrimination, workloads or other issues that would have required getting the human resources department involved.

In the same corporation, I had worked with another person having difficulty dealing with his co-worker. This was three months ago. I wanted to “test” to find if the progress he made had “held.” It did. He said working with the other person hasn’t bothered him since.

EFT is a leading-edge method being used by therapists and health professionals to help people with serious medical and psychological issues. At the same time, EFT is a superb tool that anyone can learn to use for everyday life, including improving relationships with colleagues at work. It never ceases to amaze me how EFT can be used in the business world to create positive, long-lasting changes. EFT works at work.

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